Reached back

I don't make a good first impression, or second or third for that matter.  My rough, jaded outlook makes me appear aloof. I may seem like I don't want to talk to you because I hide away on the outskirts. It's really because I am in an uncertain place and am afraid that I will fumble and say something out of place.  When you have seen me emerge, talking and laughing, I appear confident and carefree. This is not so. It has never been so.

I am in a constant state of fear. I just want to be understood. I am still that little girl who had so much to share and could not articulate the words correctly, or slowly enough. But I still have feelings. I still just want to be understood, no....... made to feel like I matter, given hope that there might be a chance that you love me as much as I stinkin' love you. 

And yet, despite these outward hurdles and barriers that block me from getting to you, you looked past the broken exterior and took a chance on me. And for that, I will always be there for you. I will make up for all the ugly you had to pass through to reach the real me.

Thank you for believing in me. I think I'm ready to venture outside a little more, but it's very scary. Please forgive me if I stumble and stumble again. 

A friend from school just had a book published. I am so jealous. But I am excited for the prospect of decent books for my grls to read. They are based on the LDS Young Women Values. Read a summary on her website.

http://www.emilygrayclawson.com

Sounded the Warning

The Home Inspection on our home was scheduled for this morning at 8:30 by the buyers. I was prepared to go over to my mom's for a few hours. The kids were off from school and I didn't want to be mucking about.

Early this morning (4 am to be precise) Baby Girl came into our room announcing that she had thrown-up. So with a thorough clean up of her and her bed, I relocated her to our room. None too soon, she threw up again. Twice.

I planned to still go to my mom's, and take extra clothes and the throw up bucket with us.

6:30. Brown-Eyed Girl came in my room. Her belly hurts. I told her to get a throw up bucket too.

7:30. Cease fire on the younger one barfing. BEG commences barfing. Okay. Do I risk taking the barfington twins in a car just to watch them puke at my mom's and then bring them back in 2 hours.

8:30. I was still home and announced to the inspector and the potential buyers, as I opened the front door, that they were welcome to continue with the inspection if we could stay. But my house smelled oh- so lovely.

I sat there in the frontroom with my older two kids reading books, the sick girls spread out on a mattress pad on the floor, and the one-year old running around staring at the weird people who were leaving on all the faucets.

It's procedure, I know. And even though it wasn't my business, one can't help leaning in to hear what the home inspector is telling your potential buyers about your home. It was compelling, yet I didn't want to hear, because I can't do anything about it until they submit their findings and requests for repair. That means I will have to wait at least 3 days. It was maddening.

Not to mention that the inspector kept pausing to talk to the buyers about their jobs, or the latest movie he'd seen. I felt like screaming, "Hey! Get your crap done and get out of my house so it can become their house, and I can get on with cleaning up barf!"

I'm not so nice when I'm tired and smelly.

Thus my warning:

If you have a home inspector coming to your home, and your children just happen to come down with the flu, the plague, scurvy... go to your mother's for two hours. You won't have to strain to hear what's wrong with your house, then worry about it for the next two days when you can do nothing anyway.

Plus your mom might have some good ideas for getting vomit out of hair.

Spread the Love

The kids and I cut out 150 hearts and wrote messages like; "God loves you", "Have a Happy Heart" and "Show someone you love them" on the hearts. Then we folded them and went on a valentine drop (idea inspired by HER.)

The kids were out of school, so I took them downtown. I gave each of them a stack of valentines, and told them to give them to whomever they wanted. They went nuts. Their favorite part was handing them to construction workers. They received so many smiles and "thank you"s.

One woman actually refused a valentine from my 7-year-old. Poor BEG looked over at me and asked sadly, "Why would anyone say, 'No thank you' to a valentine?" On the way home the kids chattered about how happy it made them and the women who turned down the valentine. They all agreed that even if no one appreciated the valentines, the valentine drop was successful, because they had made THEIR hearts happy by doing it.

This:

-Drop off kids at school

-Follow up with Mortgage Broker about a confusing Good Faith Estimate

-Grocery shopping

-Make homemade white bread

-While it rises:

call realtor and get answers to questions about the Realtor Contract for an offer, he’ll have to come by at 4:30 to go over it with us.

call printer repair guy about the loud noise the printer is making after he changed a part

get a call asking if the people who looked at our house on Tuesday can walk through again at 6:30. I can do that.

put baby boy down for a nap so I can:

call mortgage company to complete an app. over the phone- which consists of running back and forth looking for documentation for our 401K, bank statements, mortgage balance, employment paystubs. Oh-yeah, Dear Hubby has most of these at work with him because he was going to do this and got caught up in meetings.

-Now to document these things, I should scan and email all these things to the mortgage company. Plus they want our taxes from the last two years. These forms consist of 40+ pages because we itemize and include all sorts of schedules and addendums (is that a word?)

-Put the dough in the pans

-It’s now 2:00. Baby Girl asked for school work, so I thought I’d better accommodate while she was interested. After I got her set up, I realized I hadn’t eaten lunch.

-Warm up soup from last night’s dinner. Take 2 bites. Answer the phone. It’s the school, Brown-Eyed Girl has fallen off the playground and gotten a good-sized goose egg.

-Wake up Baby Boy, drive to the school.

-Check Brown-Eyed girl out of school.

-While we’re in the car, go to the library an return the books that are 3 days overdue because the library changed to a new system and the new system didn’t send me an email reminder that they were due Saturday. I was convinced that I would not pay the late fees. They were convinced too. Woo hoo.

-School’s out, back to the school to get the older 2 kids.

-Stop and get BEG an ice cream cone for her bonk.

-Heading home, I get a call. “Can we show the house at 4:00 instead?” ummm, yeah, but I have 8 loaves of bread ready to throw into the oven at 4:00, do they mind? Grrrrr.

-Put first 4 loaves in, tidy up the house, start on homework

-Shuttle the kids outside during the showing.

-Review contract with realtor, make offer on a home, write a check and sigh.

-Make dinner

-Get kids ready for bed.

-Receive an offer on our house. It’s appealing.

-Watch “Lost” and unwind.

-Go to bed and dream about all the fun work of starting over remodeling a new home. Except for this time, the house is bigger, the mortgage is bigger, the property is bigger, and our family is bigger.

This is supposed to make me better.

Vowed to be more careful

because when something wacks you in the mouth, you can normally "brush it off"- except, of course, if your mouth is lined with sharp, razor-like, metal braces that cut into your lips, which makes a usually-harmless object bumping into your face now a lethal weapon.

Made my Son go to Party

My son was all excited to go to his cousin's birthday party until he found out it was a sleepover. He asked if I could take him and pick him up in a few hours because "they'll probably stay up late and I'll be really tired in the morning and then I won't be able to sleep tomorrow night."

Geez, old man, have some fun while you don't have to take FiberCon. He is such a serious boy. Or at least he takes his sleep and food VERY seriously. I demanded that he go and sleep over. When he called me at 9:00 that evening, he said that they were just turning on a movie. I asked which one (because it's gotta be pre-approved) and he said, "I don't care 'cuz I'm going to bed."

I told him to just watch the movie and be a boy for a minute! Do you think he's seriously that serious or am I just getting "played" so I will demand he play more like a real boy?

Faxed

I have been faxing things from our all-in-one printer for years. That works fine if you only have 2 pages and can babysit the antiquated thing, or if you are a caveman and enjoy living in pre-technology times.

The problem is that my husband's work changed Flax spending companies and the new one, let's just say it- sucks. You can not submit your claims through email like the old company. It's snail mail or fax. My faxes always get jammed and restart themselves, so the moronic company denies the claim because they didn't receive the documentation, THEN opens a new claim and pays it because they DID receive the documentation 2 minutes later in the completed fax. Idiots.

Oh- but you don't have to go through that if you use their debit card. That's nice if the acupuncturist that is working miracles on your husband herniated disc takes credit cards. She doesn't. So I gotta fax her receipt to the crazy people and have them deny me, no wait, pay me in a few months.

I knew there was a way to fax the receipts if I could scan them into the computer. Since I didn't set up the fax when I set up the printer, I couldn't find the option. Then I found this wonderful lady, who walked me through it. Her instructions worked perfectly (the hints and tips are vital) and I have now faxed via my computer over 16 pages of documentation to the Flex spending people.

Now if they deny my claims, I'll know they are just messing with me. And you don't want to mess with a girl who knows how to use Google and her fax line.

I Got Braces!!!

I knew it was the right time. It's going to take about 18 months, but it is almost guaranteed to rid me of the tension headaches caused by my misaligned jaw and sliding bite. Plus my neck should stay in alignment more which will also decrease the headaches. PLUS my insurance is awesome and is paying for half!!!

So the dinner I made last night was a pre-braces dinner: full of the things I can't eat with the braces that I will miss; corn chips, ooey, gooey cheese, corn on the cob, and ice cream with caramel.

I hope I can make it- the headaches and mouth pain are insane!! And Dear Hubby says I now have a lisp. great.

Made This- All for ME!

I made this for dinner:


Taco salads with spicy Doritos corn chips, corn on the cob and gooey mozzarella cheese sticks.

For dessert, I pampered myself with this:

Tune in tomorrow to find out WHY??!?!?!?!?