Got over my Stuffy Self

Sometimes the grown up responsibilities get the best of us. I often sit at the computer all morning updating spreadsheets, entering invoices, and paying bills. This Monday morning was no different. By noon I had a raging headache. After lunch I wanted to run some errands, but the little man was sleeping, so I caught up on laundry- you know the drill.

By 4:00 I'd had enough. For family night, I decided to go play at the park that we discovered, and the other one close by that a friend told us about with a zipline. We invited some friends to join us with their kids. We had a blast and I played like a kid at times.

The sprinklers came on and we had to run with the kids to another playground. After a few minutes, THAT area was spraying. I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants twice. It's amazing how you can get rid of a headache when you pull your head out of wherever it is, and run like a crazy kid through the sand screaming your head off.

A lot of Aimless Stuff

Cut the girls' hair

Bought a glider swing (for me and those quiet evenings under my nice tree, when the kids are in bed and I am unwinding at night- I'm going to miss my nice, gorgeous, Maple tree)

Listed our house for sale (I'm going to miss the house that we've worked so hard on, but I'll miss the tree more!) Let the giddy girls stay up and read in my room until they got tired

Took my daughter back to a friend's house to return something that she borrowed, even though I told her that she couldn't borrow anything this time (In my book- that's stealing.)

Helped my sis with her computer (I didn't fix a thing, but I tried)

Felt good and happy.

3 Things I am Grateful For

1- fresh air
2- when my daughter sings at the top of her lungs while she plays
3- singing with my daughter

Screwed with my Son's Head

It goes like this;


"Mom, guess what I'm making?!!!"

"A time machine?"

"No, that's dumb, because if I picked the wrong time, then I'd end up being chased be a T-Rex."

"How far back would you go since dinosaurs never lived on this planet? You'd have to go back to BEFORE this planet was created and end up on the planet where the dinosaurs DID live, and that would be a LONG time to go back."

"Well, if I went into the future then I might land in a war, and maybe I'd appear on the bad side and God and all the righteous people would kill me because they didn't know I was from the, oh forget it. An elastic gun. I'm building an elastic gun." (Insert eye roll and sigh)

I love making everybody else as screwed up as I am.

Did Not Run

Many of you know of my past struggle with Clinical Depression. 13 years ago it was so bad that I would break down in tears at the pressure of answering the phone. Every decision, no matter how small, seemed insurmountable.

I haven't had depression like that for almost ten years. Then a few weeks ago, it came back like an old disease. It was horrifying to find myself spiraling down into the same conversations with myself and finding that nothing brought me out of it.

It was discouraging to find that depression is like what you hear about alcoholism- "Once an alcoholic, Always an alcoholic." I refused to believe that the imbalances in my brain chemistry could uproot my life without the slightest warning. Granted, I've had a hellish past three months, but I'm stronger now, older, more mature!!....right?

Well last night it all came crashing down. I had been running around, and the kids were tired and had eaten and napped in the van. We were all weary. I had only a half of a muffin for lunch, and now we were getting home and it was dinner time already. I hurriedly made some sandwiches and cut some melon for the kids. While they ate, I ran outside to work on some training with the dog. Then Dear Hubby came home and wanted to lay the concrete pad that's been put off by rainy weather, and the children came outside to play.

At 9:00, I went inside to nurse the baby and put him to bed. As I laid him in his bed, I realized that I hadn't eaten dinner myself. I just lost it. I sobbed and wanted to just drive away. The baby was settled and didn't need me until morning. I would gladly check myself into a hospital just for a solid 24 hours of no responsibility to answer mind-numbing kid questions and no disciplining.

The feeling to run away was immense. I called a dear friend and was told to "Hold On. This is just a 'mist of darkness'. Hold on to what you know to be true." The trouble is, I could not think of anything that I knew for sure. I don't know what I'm doing with these kids. I feel like I'm making it up as I go. In that moment, I was sure that I was the worst person to parent them because I am not happy. Life should be happy. It shouldn't be such a struggle. I shouldn't feel that all I do is cuss kids, repeat myself, pull kids out of bed, and put them back in bed- Endlessly, Every day.

If raising kids is this hard, I must be doing something wrong. At least that is what I felt at the moment, so I could not find anything to hold on to. If I was doing it wrong, then the Lord had sent them to the wrong person. So if I trusted the Lord, I would have to trust that he trusted me.

I felt to hold on. That like childbirth, just when a woman feels like she can't possibly go on, her suffering is almost over.

I woke up this morning. Nothing had changed. I still had breakfast to make, five kids to care for, music lessons to drive them to, lunch and dinner, feed myself, and shower (if possible). I still feel tired, still frustrated, and weary. Somehow, the list didn't change, but it no longer seemed insurmountable.

I don't know what has changed. Maybe the Lord removed that one straw that was breaking my back. Maybe he let me carry the same load, and carried me.

Ran

It was raining torrents and the kids voted to still go swimming. We did and had a blast. I'm glad I gave in and ran through the rain. It definitely was NOT a boring day.

Made My Mom Let Me Help Her

For all the things that moms are good for, letting others help them is not one of them. It is natural for children to want to help and please their parents. It is an instinct placed in them to reflect our spirit's instinct to please our Heavenly Father. So why is it that parents have such a hard time letting their children help them?

I acknowledged to my mother that I am aware that I am not as detailed as my other sisters. I have never received the "best painter" award. I will never be accused of being "too patient", but for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to please my mom and help her.

I recall a time when I was about 4 years old. My mom was making dinner and I just knew she needed my help with something. I was promptly assigned the job of stirring a large bowl of uncooked rice. See? I KNEW she couldn't pull it off without MY help!

So with that same persistence, and chubby-cheeked grin, I convinced my mom to let me help with her projects today.

I just have to stop being a hypocrite and let my chubby-cheeked kids convince me to let them help more- while they still want to.

Enjoyed this Amazing weather!

It was just too beautiful today. I wish I had spent even more time outside. But I was out there a lot. I even played catch with Biggest Boy, and got all the kids in on a game of T-Ball. Then I let the dog out and she kept fetching the ball when it was hit. The kids laughed so hard, they couldn't decide whether to hold the pee in, or tag the base runner.

It was fun to just laugh and not keep score. I wish I could bottle days like this.

Defined Management

We just got an email from one of our children's teachers for next year. The email contained a list of supplies needed for Back to School. I told Dear Hubby that I appreciated the advance notice, but wondered why I needed to send supplies like a ream of copy paper for general school use. His whitty remark was something to the effect of, "Well, that is why the United Order won't work, is because of whiny people like you, har, har."

I continued to vent that I wouldn't have such an issue with sending supplies if it were not for the abuse of the donations that I see. There is no respect or care given to the supplies. The ultimate case in point was this year's last day of school. In my daughter's class, all the pencils, markers, notebooks, folders, general supplies (supplies that parents donated) were laid out on the tables for a free-for-all, come-and-get-it fair. My daughter came home with a huge bag of dry-erase markers, manila folders, pencils, hand sanitizer, and colored pencils. The girl does not need these things.

I will bet that if those things were saved and, I don't know, passed on to the next teacher for next year, I may not have to spend $50 + on school supplies for each student next year. To this my husband responded, "What's your problem? Why can't you be a team player? Be part of the solution, not the problem. Am I catching on to my new Manager role yet?" My retort was, "No, you sound unsympathetic, condescending and self-righteous. If that's what you were aiming for, you hit it on the head."

Gave you the answer

Since nobody guessed or even seemed remotely interested, I can only assume that you have seen these before. If you have, sorry. However, I would advice that you read on, because you will be shocked!! I still am and I know what they are.
Remember, these things came from mud tunnels that "grew" within a day or two. The official name is a "mud tube". As I was looking for the type of spider that bit my daughter, I found a picture of the exact mud tubes that were growing around my water heater. I kept smashing them, and the bugs that looked just like the picture on the right (both ant-size) came crawling out. Two days later, a new tube was built.

Are you tired of the suspense? They are termites. The technical term for the ones that were in my house are "swarmers". Did you assume that all termites looked like this?

Now want to hear the good news? (I know, there can't be "termites" and "good news" in the same sentence unless it's accompanied my the words "extended prepaid vacation to Hawaii.")

The good news is that swarmers do not eat the wood in your house. They are the benevolent first sign of a colony about to encroach. Apparently, they are looking for a nice place to start a new colony and I didn't let them. However, NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY, most people get rid of the swarmers and never find out what they were, or think that they have single-handedly scared away the termites. Not so. They will come back, just through another entry. By then, the soldier termites will have started to eat your home.

I can not believe how everything played out in our favor; To find the mud tubes, to happen upon the picture telling me what they were, and after getting the termite treatment, finding out that there was no other infestation, and that the swarmers are really a good warning of what to get a jump on. It really was a blessing.

So, class- to review:

your first exposure to termites will most likely be a swarmer. They look like winged ants. Note the differences in the following chart.
Swarmers build mud tubes near warm, moist areas in your basement or around foundation walls. This is a great time to catch them. Act fast and don't assume they are gone, just because the tube is gone.

Thank you for joining me. I hope to never share a story like this again. Happy hunting.