Reached back

I don't make a good first impression, or second or third for that matter.  My rough, jaded outlook makes me appear aloof. I may seem like I don't want to talk to you because I hide away on the outskirts. It's really because I am in an uncertain place and am afraid that I will fumble and say something out of place.  When you have seen me emerge, talking and laughing, I appear confident and carefree. This is not so. It has never been so.

I am in a constant state of fear. I just want to be understood. I am still that little girl who had so much to share and could not articulate the words correctly, or slowly enough. But I still have feelings. I still just want to be understood, no....... made to feel like I matter, given hope that there might be a chance that you love me as much as I stinkin' love you. 

And yet, despite these outward hurdles and barriers that block me from getting to you, you looked past the broken exterior and took a chance on me. And for that, I will always be there for you. I will make up for all the ugly you had to pass through to reach the real me.

Thank you for believing in me. I think I'm ready to venture outside a little more, but it's very scary. Please forgive me if I stumble and stumble again. 

A friend from school just had a book published. I am so jealous. But I am excited for the prospect of decent books for my grls to read. They are based on the LDS Young Women Values. Read a summary on her website.

http://www.emilygrayclawson.com