Reached back

I don't make a good first impression, or second or third for that matter.  My rough, jaded outlook makes me appear aloof. I may seem like I don't want to talk to you because I hide away on the outskirts. It's really because I am in an uncertain place and am afraid that I will fumble and say something out of place.  When you have seen me emerge, talking and laughing, I appear confident and carefree. This is not so. It has never been so.

I am in a constant state of fear. I just want to be understood. I am still that little girl who had so much to share and could not articulate the words correctly, or slowly enough. But I still have feelings. I still just want to be understood, no....... made to feel like I matter, given hope that there might be a chance that you love me as much as I stinkin' love you. 

And yet, despite these outward hurdles and barriers that block me from getting to you, you looked past the broken exterior and took a chance on me. And for that, I will always be there for you. I will make up for all the ugly you had to pass through to reach the real me.

Thank you for believing in me. I think I'm ready to venture outside a little more, but it's very scary. Please forgive me if I stumble and stumble again. 

A friend from school just had a book published. I am so jealous. But I am excited for the prospect of decent books for my grls to read. They are based on the LDS Young Women Values. Read a summary on her website.

http://www.emilygrayclawson.com

Sounded the Warning

The Home Inspection on our home was scheduled for this morning at 8:30 by the buyers. I was prepared to go over to my mom's for a few hours. The kids were off from school and I didn't want to be mucking about.

Early this morning (4 am to be precise) Baby Girl came into our room announcing that she had thrown-up. So with a thorough clean up of her and her bed, I relocated her to our room. None too soon, she threw up again. Twice.

I planned to still go to my mom's, and take extra clothes and the throw up bucket with us.

6:30. Brown-Eyed Girl came in my room. Her belly hurts. I told her to get a throw up bucket too.

7:30. Cease fire on the younger one barfing. BEG commences barfing. Okay. Do I risk taking the barfington twins in a car just to watch them puke at my mom's and then bring them back in 2 hours.

8:30. I was still home and announced to the inspector and the potential buyers, as I opened the front door, that they were welcome to continue with the inspection if we could stay. But my house smelled oh- so lovely.

I sat there in the frontroom with my older two kids reading books, the sick girls spread out on a mattress pad on the floor, and the one-year old running around staring at the weird people who were leaving on all the faucets.

It's procedure, I know. And even though it wasn't my business, one can't help leaning in to hear what the home inspector is telling your potential buyers about your home. It was compelling, yet I didn't want to hear, because I can't do anything about it until they submit their findings and requests for repair. That means I will have to wait at least 3 days. It was maddening.

Not to mention that the inspector kept pausing to talk to the buyers about their jobs, or the latest movie he'd seen. I felt like screaming, "Hey! Get your crap done and get out of my house so it can become their house, and I can get on with cleaning up barf!"

I'm not so nice when I'm tired and smelly.

Thus my warning:

If you have a home inspector coming to your home, and your children just happen to come down with the flu, the plague, scurvy... go to your mother's for two hours. You won't have to strain to hear what's wrong with your house, then worry about it for the next two days when you can do nothing anyway.

Plus your mom might have some good ideas for getting vomit out of hair.

Spread the Love

The kids and I cut out 150 hearts and wrote messages like; "God loves you", "Have a Happy Heart" and "Show someone you love them" on the hearts. Then we folded them and went on a valentine drop (idea inspired by HER.)

The kids were out of school, so I took them downtown. I gave each of them a stack of valentines, and told them to give them to whomever they wanted. They went nuts. Their favorite part was handing them to construction workers. They received so many smiles and "thank you"s.

One woman actually refused a valentine from my 7-year-old. Poor BEG looked over at me and asked sadly, "Why would anyone say, 'No thank you' to a valentine?" On the way home the kids chattered about how happy it made them and the women who turned down the valentine. They all agreed that even if no one appreciated the valentines, the valentine drop was successful, because they had made THEIR hearts happy by doing it.

This:

-Drop off kids at school

-Follow up with Mortgage Broker about a confusing Good Faith Estimate

-Grocery shopping

-Make homemade white bread

-While it rises:

call realtor and get answers to questions about the Realtor Contract for an offer, he’ll have to come by at 4:30 to go over it with us.

call printer repair guy about the loud noise the printer is making after he changed a part

get a call asking if the people who looked at our house on Tuesday can walk through again at 6:30. I can do that.

put baby boy down for a nap so I can:

call mortgage company to complete an app. over the phone- which consists of running back and forth looking for documentation for our 401K, bank statements, mortgage balance, employment paystubs. Oh-yeah, Dear Hubby has most of these at work with him because he was going to do this and got caught up in meetings.

-Now to document these things, I should scan and email all these things to the mortgage company. Plus they want our taxes from the last two years. These forms consist of 40+ pages because we itemize and include all sorts of schedules and addendums (is that a word?)

-Put the dough in the pans

-It’s now 2:00. Baby Girl asked for school work, so I thought I’d better accommodate while she was interested. After I got her set up, I realized I hadn’t eaten lunch.

-Warm up soup from last night’s dinner. Take 2 bites. Answer the phone. It’s the school, Brown-Eyed Girl has fallen off the playground and gotten a good-sized goose egg.

-Wake up Baby Boy, drive to the school.

-Check Brown-Eyed girl out of school.

-While we’re in the car, go to the library an return the books that are 3 days overdue because the library changed to a new system and the new system didn’t send me an email reminder that they were due Saturday. I was convinced that I would not pay the late fees. They were convinced too. Woo hoo.

-School’s out, back to the school to get the older 2 kids.

-Stop and get BEG an ice cream cone for her bonk.

-Heading home, I get a call. “Can we show the house at 4:00 instead?” ummm, yeah, but I have 8 loaves of bread ready to throw into the oven at 4:00, do they mind? Grrrrr.

-Put first 4 loaves in, tidy up the house, start on homework

-Shuttle the kids outside during the showing.

-Review contract with realtor, make offer on a home, write a check and sigh.

-Make dinner

-Get kids ready for bed.

-Receive an offer on our house. It’s appealing.

-Watch “Lost” and unwind.

-Go to bed and dream about all the fun work of starting over remodeling a new home. Except for this time, the house is bigger, the mortgage is bigger, the property is bigger, and our family is bigger.

This is supposed to make me better.

Vowed to be more careful

because when something wacks you in the mouth, you can normally "brush it off"- except, of course, if your mouth is lined with sharp, razor-like, metal braces that cut into your lips, which makes a usually-harmless object bumping into your face now a lethal weapon.

Made my Son go to Party

My son was all excited to go to his cousin's birthday party until he found out it was a sleepover. He asked if I could take him and pick him up in a few hours because "they'll probably stay up late and I'll be really tired in the morning and then I won't be able to sleep tomorrow night."

Geez, old man, have some fun while you don't have to take FiberCon. He is such a serious boy. Or at least he takes his sleep and food VERY seriously. I demanded that he go and sleep over. When he called me at 9:00 that evening, he said that they were just turning on a movie. I asked which one (because it's gotta be pre-approved) and he said, "I don't care 'cuz I'm going to bed."

I told him to just watch the movie and be a boy for a minute! Do you think he's seriously that serious or am I just getting "played" so I will demand he play more like a real boy?

Faxed

I have been faxing things from our all-in-one printer for years. That works fine if you only have 2 pages and can babysit the antiquated thing, or if you are a caveman and enjoy living in pre-technology times.

The problem is that my husband's work changed Flax spending companies and the new one, let's just say it- sucks. You can not submit your claims through email like the old company. It's snail mail or fax. My faxes always get jammed and restart themselves, so the moronic company denies the claim because they didn't receive the documentation, THEN opens a new claim and pays it because they DID receive the documentation 2 minutes later in the completed fax. Idiots.

Oh- but you don't have to go through that if you use their debit card. That's nice if the acupuncturist that is working miracles on your husband herniated disc takes credit cards. She doesn't. So I gotta fax her receipt to the crazy people and have them deny me, no wait, pay me in a few months.

I knew there was a way to fax the receipts if I could scan them into the computer. Since I didn't set up the fax when I set up the printer, I couldn't find the option. Then I found this wonderful lady, who walked me through it. Her instructions worked perfectly (the hints and tips are vital) and I have now faxed via my computer over 16 pages of documentation to the Flex spending people.

Now if they deny my claims, I'll know they are just messing with me. And you don't want to mess with a girl who knows how to use Google and her fax line.

I Got Braces!!!

I knew it was the right time. It's going to take about 18 months, but it is almost guaranteed to rid me of the tension headaches caused by my misaligned jaw and sliding bite. Plus my neck should stay in alignment more which will also decrease the headaches. PLUS my insurance is awesome and is paying for half!!!

So the dinner I made last night was a pre-braces dinner: full of the things I can't eat with the braces that I will miss; corn chips, ooey, gooey cheese, corn on the cob, and ice cream with caramel.

I hope I can make it- the headaches and mouth pain are insane!! And Dear Hubby says I now have a lisp. great.

Made This- All for ME!

I made this for dinner:


Taco salads with spicy Doritos corn chips, corn on the cob and gooey mozzarella cheese sticks.

For dessert, I pampered myself with this:

Tune in tomorrow to find out WHY??!?!?!?!?

Albumed the Photos

I am not a scrapbook kinda girl. But I do like to take pictures. I have been storing up photos to sort and put in the kids' album for a long time. Over Christmas break I was determined to get this project done.

As I sorted pictures by kid and date, it became frighteningly clear that I had not done this since Baby Girl was 1 week old. She just turned 4. I started thinking of what a bad mom I was. the feeling didn't last long.

Looking through the pictures, I saw all the things I did with 4 kids; through the summers, around the house, for birthdays. Then all those things while expecting a fifth baby. Then with 5 kids.

The happy feelings of good memories created were confirmed when the kids started looking at their pictures. Exclamations of "Wow! We did a lot that summer!", "That was so fun!" and "Oooooooh! I remember that day!" were enough to make me glad.

I realized that I have done a lot, and we're not busy do nothing. I'm glad I captures a few of those moments. I just hope the kids remember me doing those things with them, and capture the memories in their hearts- 'cuz I'm not in any of the pictures.

Fixed my stove

I haven't been able to make homemade bread for a couple of months now, and only non-tempermental oven items for dinner. You see, my stove has been acting funky. I looked at online forums for Whirlpool stoves and figured it was the fuse in the back because the oven completely turns off when you heat it above 350 degrees, or it just gets tired of cooking your stuff.

If I was baking anything, I pretty much had to plant myself in the kitchen and watch the stove, to make sure it didn't go off. Soooooo Annoying! When ordering the fuse, I found that it was discontinued by the manufacturer. nice. The only other option was that it was the $200 control panel. For that price, I'd rather apply it to a new stove- maybe even a gas range with continuous grates and convection heating.

So on to range shopping. I picked out the perfect gas range and was getting a spankin' deal since it was before Thanksgiving. I got the specs to Dear Hubby and wouldn't you know it, the gas range would be too much for our gas line given the gas furnace and water heater. To expand the line would require a ditch and something about ripping into the sheetrock of our newly-remodeled basement. ugh.

So I was back to a new stove, or fixing the stove. I got a new control panel from my favorite fix-it-yourself online store.

The instructions on the panel said to touch metal while handling the part to avoid static electricity and ruining the shock-sensitive part. Both hands were busy, so this is how I grounded myself. Here is the back opened and the finished product. As you can see, the old control panel was black, and the new white one is funky. The manufacturer has discontinued the black control panel for this stove, but not the white one which is insane to me.

The price of the part was more of a headache than the labor. But my stove works and I can cook without babysitting the stove too. As a matter of fact, my cookies are done. Gotta run.

Expressed my Jealousy

Dear hubby has been working crazy hours, long hours, stressful hours. As soon as he gets home he heads to the back yard.

A few months ago, we got the dog trained to go to the bathroom behind the shed. She was doing great until it snowed. Now she goes behind the shed AND all over the snow. When the snow starts to melt, she tapers back her poop area to just where the snow is. Weird.

So, hubby has been spending training time with her before she eats. Then after she eats, he takes her for a run and gets her to go in the right place. All told, it takes about an hour of his time each night/early morning.

When he came in last night, I nonchalantly asked, "So....if I poop on the lawn, will you start paying attention to ME?"

Sent a Text

I was trying to bribe the Dear Hubby to drop his work and come home before 7:00, so I sent this text: "I'm waiting, for the one I love, to find me, today."

(You know, from Snow White.)

A minute later a get a response. Thinking I'd get the standard, "gotcha- I'm hurrying :)", or "I'm on my way", I flip open my phone to this:

"Today!!!!!!!!! Loud bass voice, not a good one, but LOUD!"

In case you haven't watched Snow White lately, she sings the "I'm waiting" song and is surprised by the prince who sings "Today!!!!"

Aw, I guess I married a prince.

Found One of my Favorite Sites Again

Even though I don't eat healthy all the time, I do try to eat better.

I hate buying stuff with high fructose corn syrup in it, but I can't always make my own tomato sauce and granola bars. Therefore, I really limit the things with HFCS, and end up spending more money on things, because I feel that they are better.

Yes, sometimes a crazy mom has to choose the less healthy choice for the sake of sanity. It is nice to get reminders or some things that make it simple to know what to feed your family that is healthy and easy. This site reminded me of those things, and of how the Lord is the ultimate "health freak" and made it easy for us to be one too.

Won a Gold Medal!

Yesterday, I was working on an acupuncture client while dinner was simmering. Dear Hubby offered to finish making dinner and take care of the now one-year-old baby boy who had just woken up from his nap.

By the time I had finished with the client, dinner was done and the kids were eating. I dished up my plate and sat down as Hubby was wiping off Baby Boy. He told BBB, "Mommy deserves a Gold Medal." I dismissed it, not knowing what DH was talking about.

Later that evening when all the kids were in bed, Dear Hubby said again, "I mean it. You deserve a Gold Medal." Then he proceeded to tell me about how he had given the baby some green beans that were cooking to keep him happy so he could finish dinner. He was shocked at how fast those went down. He gave him another 8 or 10 which disappeared even faster.

Before he could stir the gravy, BB was wailing for more food. Hubby looked for the rice cereal and couldn't find any. So he pulled out a jar of sweet potatoes and had Big Boy feed the Baby while he ran downstairs to dig up a box of rice in the storage room. As he climbed the stairs, Baby Boy was screaming and signing "Please" because the jar was already empty. Big Boy said he was done, and Dad insisted that he scrape the sides clean to satiate BBB until the rice cereal could be made.

Pretty sure that BBB would not eat very much since he had already devoured so much, DH questioned how much he should mix up. Taking a chance, he mixed 1 cup of rice cereal and sat down to feed the baby, and alternated stirring the gravy.

Several impatient yelps, and an empty bowl later, the boy was finally full. He sat in the highchair while dinner was being dished up. This is where I came in.

So to restate, my hubby says that if that is what I have to do every night, every breakfast and lunch, plus other catastrophes that come up on random days, then I deserve a Gold Medal. I laughed it off until he said, "I found myself wishing I had gone into work."

Seeing as he has put in 60-80 hours a week lately (no that's not a typo), and has been so frustrated with work to the point of stating that unemployment would be better, the fact that he was wishing to be there, and appreciated my daily efforts, was touching. It was the best compliment I could have received.

I DO earn my keep, and a Gold Medal for all moms would be a nice reminder of the Olympic feats that we perform out of love.

Followed the path

Yesterday I was lying down trying to get rid of a headache. When I got up, I noticed that Brown-Eyed girl had left these notes all over the house (she just started 1st grade);

She can't spell "commandments",
but the apostrophe is in the right place!
Yea for punctuation!

And last, but NOT least:

There's your Sunday School lesson. Go, do, and be grateful, will ya?

Talked to a Friend

You never see how blessed you are until you talk with someone whose life is really hard.

Case in point: I have a friend who was talking to me about the horrible things her husband has said to her over the years that have broken her down and ruined her self-esteem. The worst part is that it's mostly not physical things like her appearance, but twisting spiritual things to make her feel unworthy of his love and God's love.

Granted, she is not perfect and has returned his affection in like manner. But it got me thinking. Have I said hurtful, damaging things to my husband that have cut him to the core? Or him to me? We have each disagreed over things- temporal and spiritual. We have been emphatic about things, but my husband has never said anything degrading about me. He has never said things to show me that I am less than or unworthy of him.

We joke with eachother; He tells me that I suck after getting my butt whooped by my son at Xbox, and I tease him that Hugh Jackman is my boyfriend. It works out nicely because when he can't get his "honey-do" list done, he tells me to call Hugh. And when I say, "I love H-you," he looks at me and smiles. Then asks if I said, "I love YOU," or "I love HUGH?"

In the end it doesn't matter which one I said, because he's both.

3 Things I am Grateful For

1- That the Lord sees potential in me
2- a mother who taught me to stand up and do things the Lord's way, and to shut my mouth when I don't always get my way
3- Every day opportunities to work on #2

Found an AWESOME Birthday gift

So it was time to get Elder Little Brother Rich a birthday present. What do you get a missionary that obsesses used to obsess about computers?

Hmmm, what to do........

I stumbled across this cute site.

I printed off a design and ironed it onto a t-shirt. this is the design I picked and I LOVED how it turned out;